She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
