Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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