is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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