you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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