we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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