i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
