Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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