She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
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She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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