Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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