the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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