My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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