No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
