you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
