I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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