Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
