We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
