I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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