I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
