did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
