The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
