there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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