No stitches, just platelets and will power
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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