just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
