We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
