just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
