how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
