Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
