so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
