you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
