Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
