Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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