dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
