Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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