Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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