OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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