if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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