Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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