if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
