God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is Oprah even human
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The adults are the big ones right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
