I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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