I puked a lego.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
