Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The air was thick with penises
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
