I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
