thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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