Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize