he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
