I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
