You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
