This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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