elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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