i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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