see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
