My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
