does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
