I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
