Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize