I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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