She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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