bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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