Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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