Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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