Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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