:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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