Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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